Welcome to the (not so) secerets of my life.

So it was brought to my attention, through a conversation, that my test isnt really a test at all. I conversed with my partner about how looking at someone almost demands that they look at you. It came out that while I am looking at my professors, I am in a way willing them to look at me. I believe that the eye contact would go much the same way. So by stareing, if you will, I am in a way drawing their eyes to me.

But still there is some data in that alone. Hmmm.

LC
English - 45 

I started doing this 'test', if you will, in my Biology class where I count the amount of times that my professor looks at me. It started off as something silly, something to do, but its turned into so much more. It isnt my count that has gotten to me, but the way that he looks at me. Its the eye contact. He may make it for brief moments throughout the class, but as soon as I ask a question or give input during class its full on eye contact during the entire time we are conversing. At times it almost makes me turn red or it feels like the 'no-one-else-in-the-room' kind of long moments. Its intoxicating. I don't know if people have been making this contact with me for much longer then I have noticed, but I notice it now, and I like it. There is just something so moving, empowering, about having someones complete attention.
I think I might expand this test to my other classes.

Look count
Bio - 105

I guess I knew this would happen, I got drawn into it once again. Books. I go through spurts where I don't read for days, months, and then I can't seem to put books down. At the moment I have six books on my night stand, three are for school and three are for pleasure. And one really is for pleasure. Its a naughty little book called "Enchanted again" about perverse nursery rhymes. I feel dirty saying that but I cant put the book down. But when I do its to pick up a completely different kind of book, "The Devil in the White City". What a thrilling book about the Chicago fair!
I think the worst part is that I should be reading other books for school, but I just can't seem to get into them.

When will I get over this ridiculous obsession with books?

So Its been foooooorever since I posted last, a lot has happened. First off let me just tell you. I GOT ACCEPTED TO THE EVERGLADES TRIP!
And to sum it all up
Fell in love
Fell out of love
Got a loan
Got a new boss
Aunt flow visited early
Trying to get a new camera



Yep thats about it.

I don't think its going anywhere.

So its been awhile since I posted, simply because I have been so busy. First off I just want to say that I passed my tree test! I missed two stupid ones. But over all I did a wonderful job. Now I have to study for this huge test in Science. Yay, not.
Umm Friday night I was suppose to go to a party but me and Prahlad ended up going out stargazing. Hehe, it was a lot of fun! We didn't really end up look at the stars, but shame you, we just talked. It was great. It got a little chilly so we went to the Spot for something to eat, still more talking, and then back to his place so I could pick up my car. I ended up getting home around one. And heaven believe it I woke up smiling the next day. Shocked me actually. Then I woke up and Saturday consisted of going to my brothers football game, seeing my Aunt from Long Island, making a Chocolate éclair cake, getting a pink tie for my brother, buying a rabbit for my best friend, and then finally going out to eat dinner. Wow that day was busier then I remember.
Sunday, yesterday, I cleaned my apartment and saw Edd because he was in town. I couldn't believe that it really had been a year and a half since I last saw him, he looked good, we had fun. Then I went to the park to meet Prahlad and we stayed there talking until it got cold and dark. We went back to his place and watched The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. It was an odd but funny movie with an amazing soundtrack. Then we ended up playing Mankala until the wee hours of the morn' and I won once. Technically twice but I don't count the time were he helped me. Again I ended up getting home around one, dog tired and happy.

So my dear reader(s) that brings you up to date with my life. Boring, no?

Until next time.

So I really should be getting to bed considering the fact that I have a HUGE tree test tomorrow morning. I took this class two years ago and bombed it. After that I didn't go back to the class, I have no idea why. I know that then I didn't study as much as I am now, but I am still super nervous about this test. On Tuesday he told us that he has quizzed three classes with fourteen students in each and a total of twelve had passed. Thats in TOTAL. Great encouragement there! But I have been studying hard and keeping up with the class, so wish me good luck!
And now for something that relates to the title.
Tonight was Wednesday, so it was dinner night and let me tell you, I have never smelled such a good roast! But being that I really have decided to stick to this vegetarian thing, I had all the sides. Still good none the less.I think the part I enjoy the most is the conversations that happen, its just so nice to talk to someone! I mean I love being alone but I love a good conversation. And some of the best (in this short two weeks) have been with Prahlad. We just talk about everything and nothing. But then when I was alone with Nate he was like so what do you think of Prahlad. It was right then that I knew something was up. I said he was cool and we were on our merry way. But then when me and Rin were leaving she was like I really think Nate's friend has a thing for you. I brushed it off but then on the way home I got a text from Nate asking if he could give Prahlad my number. I laughed. Not because I don't like the guy, not sure yet, but simply because Rin was right and I was totally not expecting it. Its not like I am going to marry the guy, but it wont hurt to see where it goes. Hey a good friend might be gained.

Well until next time

Nothing knew on the war front. I will keep you boys posted if the strategy changes.

Over and out.

Its been a little while. I promised myself that I would write in this thing more often. You know get it out so its not in. But you see the thing is that I have been so busy I havent had the time.
Friday I was suppose to go see a movie but Rin didn't feel well so I went to Margaritas and Step-dad and little brother were there. We ate dinner together and they told me that they were going fishing. I was totally in. We went out to Whitney Point to go fishing, at nine at night and it was freezing out! I had forgotten how to cast a reel so the line dropped behind me the first time, but the second time it only went in the water like five feet. Go me! BUT I ACTUALLY CAUGHT A FISH!! I am not kidding you that five feet in did the trick and I friken caught a twelve inch fish! It was pretty crazy. But being the girly vegetarian that I am I was sad that we had trouble getting the hook out. And then like ten minutes later I caught ANOTHER fish! This one was a cat fish and maaaan was he ugly! Like this gross yellow color. But that was the last of my excitement for the night. Sean caught two fish, one that wasn't even four inches and he didn't even realize that he caught it haha. That was the funnest. My little bother didn't catch anything and I felt bad, but we packed up and headed home.
Last night, Saturday night, Mom, Sean, Rin, and I all went to Tioga downs. I only took the twentyfive dollars I got from babysitting but I lost it all. That always happens, I set a limit of what I will lose and go over it. I might have a gambling problem. We didn't stay there long see how me and Rin were broke and Mom and Sean arn't much of gamblers. But it was fun none the less.

So that is what I have been up to. Actually having fun. There have been a few bumps but they just make the ride that much more interesting!

So until next time

So in my biology class our professor told us about this trip that they offer to go to the Everglades. There are only 10% of the Everglades left in the US and they are technically on "life support." In my grand-children's age they will be gone. Simply put this is an amazing opportunity. Well to be corny, when my professor was talking about it I felt something stirring within me. Then the bomb dropped. The course is two weeks long. Good luck getting that much time off from work!
But I was determined and when in, talked to my boss about it and HE GAVE ME THE OK TO APPLY FOR IT! I thought I was going to cry right there in his office. He said that education was important, that I might not ever get the opportunity to do it again, and that he will figure out who will do my job if/when I go. I love my boss!
But now I have to finish filling out my application for this trip, hand it in, and pray really hard that I get picked.

Wish me good luck!

So let me start by saying that I didn't even get home until 1230 last night and it is killing me now. But oooooh what a night! This kid Nate in my English class invited me to this dinner get together that him and his friends have every Wednesday. I was pretty pumped by the invite because at the time I liked Nate. Well not that I hate him now, just that I know hes no longer a potential candidate. Sorry. But anyway, so I get out of work early *a rare thing* and drive over to Nate's friend house, who's name also happens to be Nate. I was told not to bring anything but did. Momma always said you never show up somewhere empty handed. But when I get there i realize that this building is an apartment building. You know one of those two family houses, well everyone knows everyone and this place was awesome. Like amazing. Nate, not the one in my English class, has all these instruments that he at one point tried to master. In my mind he is the music man. He played the mandolin and the accordion, I mean how cool is that? I was simply blown away. Well I am getting ahead of myself. For dinner we had... um tortilla shells with re-fried beans and cheese in them. Cant think of what they are called but they were good. Not to mention this salsa that Pre made, IT WAS SOOOO HOT! My eyes watered and everything. I didn't have much of that. After dinner Music man showed us his amazing backyard. Its like you weren't even in Binghamton anymore. I was/am jealous. Well we ended up hanging out and talking a lot and Music man is pretty awesome, hes like worldly. He has traveled across the States and sometimes just drives places. He gave me some music to check out and it was just awesome. The night ended probably as every group of guys ends a night, they all played Halo ._. Slightly geeky but what can you do? Well anyways, it was just simply an awesome night and now I am sitting in the computer lab at BCC, waiting for my Bio lecture. I have like 27 trees I have to memorize for an test next week. So until next time.

What a crazy week it has been. And its only Tuesday! This can't be a good sign for the rest of the week.
I just got off of the phone from an hour long conversation with an old boss. He told me some powerful things. I really miss him and wish that I could comfort him. I had called to talk about the petty problems in my life and ended up listening to him the whole time. I'm glad, he needs someone to talk to. It makes me feel good that I can listen.
But on the way home I heard the song Love's Divine by Seal and call me silly but I took it as a sign. I need to stop fighting everything and just let it happen, I mean I tell my friends that enough, I should listen to my own advice. I hope tomorrow is just a little better then today.

I cried for the first time in a long time tonight. Because someone said that they have liked me for a long time.
I guess it was just easier for me when I was under the impression that he thought I was a silly kid.

I always make promises that I will post more, I will write more, I will do more. But I just cant find the words to write. I have given up on the silly notion of actually recaping on the previous years, there is just too much and too little I actually remember.
But I do remember today.
Is it sick that I look forward to my 8 o'clock English class? I think at first it was just the journal entries, anything to write something, plus they actually give you the idea. Thats my biggest problem, coming up with something to write. Today was "The raw end of the deal." I have had my share of those but all that came to mind was a story about me and my sister, humorous really. Sometimes I feel like we write all class period, and that doesn't bother me at all. God how I love writing.
Then there is this boy, no I'm a grown woman now, a man that I like. Two actually. I think that if they were smooshed together they would be perfect. Eric is a gentleman through and through. Where Nate is funny and what I would call 'roll-out-of-bed' sexy. It bothers me that Nate is younger than me and it bothers me that Eric is shorter than me. God I'm way to picky. But being who I am and being socially retarded, I cant tell how they actually feel towards me. I have come to the conclusion that I jut need to get them out of class and hang out with them, but how? That is what has been on my mind for almost the entire day. But I keep telling myself that things will happen when and if they do. But why can't I wait? I feel restless.

I heard a mans mother die today. I didn't see or really actually hear her, but I heard the question in his voice as he said "Mom?" He repeated it like he would die himself if he stopped, then the tears crept in. Then the frantic yelling to someone else in the house, I don't know if anyone was there. I slid on my jeans as he cried into the phone, mumbling and tripping over his words. I ate breakfast to the distant sounds of sirens. I grabbed my purse and locked my door, down the three flights of stairs. All the while flashing lights lit up the street. A flash of red, then white and if you looked hard enough you could see the blue just at the corners of your eyes. I started my car, sliding it past the ambulance, then I headed down the street. One last glance in my rear view mirror at the end of the street. A flash of red, then white, and out of the corners of my eyes, I did see that blue. "Keh Happy 4th of July."

This is the song Stuttering by Bens Brother.

I think it fits well with a lot of people.

It's been- it's been- it's been- it's been
su-su-su-such a long time- long time- long time
since anybody touched me- touched me- touched me
the way that you touch me,
So if I stutter- stutter- stutter
then I feel so- so- so unsexy,
so maybe I'll just keep my mouth shut,
at least until you kiss me.

So kiss me again,
cause only you can stop the stu-stu-stu-stu-stuttering,
kiss me again
and ease my su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-suffering.

WhaoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
yeah x11
oooh

I know- I know
its so- its so
sy-sy-sy-symbolic of everything,
everything thats wrong with me and you,
so tell me what I'm supposed to do.
Oh its been ages since we've been really honest,
but I can make cha-cha-cha-changes if you really want this.

So kiss me again,
cause only you can stop the stu-stu-stu-stu-stuttering,
kiss me again
and ease my su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-suffering.

Kiss me again,
cause only you can stop the stu-stu-stu-stu-stuttering,
kiss me again and ease my su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-suffering.

stand before the gates and watch metropolis
empires come and go we live forever
and eternity is in your hidden eyes
take my broken wings teach me to fly again

I stand alone
we stand alone

down the empty streets head for the seven hills
vestal virgins dance we steal the fire
battered columns stand as silent monuments
deep inside their dreams I see your memories
the covenant
we stand alone





I stand alone…

we share the last champagne and watch necropolis
still and so let's leave her to her silent walks
the sun of Rome is set and our day is gone
a kiss a taste of red from your open lips

I stand alone…

i have an odd obsession with puzzles

haha the holiday season is upon us and for the life of me i just cant seem to feel the cheer. i did as i do almost every year, the station is tuned to 103.3, for endless Christmas music. I decorated with silver, gold, red, and green. I even wear a santa hat all day at work, but everytime i turn around i just find myself wishing the day would end so i can go home and sleep off the day. and then when my alarm clock starts to scream in a mix between buzzard and music, i reach for the snooze. As if sleeping for 9 more minutes would help. but i am wrong and i am here watching TV that bores my to sleep. how funny that the show is about Christmas.

what are you doing for the holiday?

I don't know your face no more
Or feel your touch that I adore
I don't know your face no more
It's just a place, I'm looking for

We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a different world
We might as well...(3x)

I don't know your thoughts these days
We're strangers in an empty space
I don't understand your heart
It's easier, to be apart

We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in another town
We might as well...(2x)
We might as well be strangers! Be strangers

For all I know of you now.....(4x)